People of the Chicago Blues Festival

My parents and their friends have been going to the Chicago Blues Festival since the 80s. It’s a pretty cool festival, totally free, that takes place every year in Grant Park. I’m relatively indifferent to the music, Blues is fine just not really my style. I go for the people because damn, they crazy. Here’s a sampling of the characters you’ll find at Blues Fest:

A Senior Member of The Ministry of Silly Walks

He will always wear white knee high socks, blue plaid shorts and a white v-neck. All 3 days. When it gets hot, he’ll take his shirt off revealing quite an amazing potbelly. Perfectly rounded and abnormally low in the stomach. He’s extremely tan, except for the creases in the fat rolls on his potbelly which are startlingly white. He walks with high knees and only on his toes, swinging his arms and bobbing his head. Occasionally seen filming himself doing apparently nothing but smiling into the camera.

The Wanderer

This person usually has long hair, frequently adorned with some form of bandana. They move constantly from camp to camp searching for weed. They’re slender and agile, allowing them to slip between camp chairs and coolers with ease. They have a refined nose, capable of sniffing out marijuana from 200ft. They sneak up on you with half closed eyes and garble something along the lines of “hey man great show this year I like your cooler got any doobage?”

Dueling Creepers

The scene: A young woman in a flowing dress is separated from the crowd by an aging man in a varying state of obesity/inebriation/highness. He strikes up a conversation only to be interrupted by another of his kind vying for the woman’s attention. The three way conversation is impossible to discern but lasts a shockingly long time. Only when the first creeper, out of desperation, gets touchy-feely with the girl do her friends step in to save her. The two creepers stare after her before moving on to their next victim.

The Random Hookup

Seen everywhere and frequently. Usually initiated over exchange of weed. Unwise to bring said hookup back to base camp as there is some danger they’ll trade up for someone else there. Possible to prevent by leaving really early.

That One Guy That Everyone Secretly Hopes Doesn’t Show Up But Always Does

He will always be there. Sometimes he won’t show until the last day, but he will show…and ask to crash on your couch. He can always guide you back to camp if you’re lost because he’s that loud. He’s outrageously inappropriate and frequently gets beat up because of it. He gets lost and then resurfaces a few days later with black eyes and missing teeth, but always with a good story.

Jesus

Long hair, flowing white robe, sandals. Carries a cross. Walks down the main throughway every year to remind us we are all going to hell. Note: do not approach for weed.

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One Response to People of the Chicago Blues Festival

  1. Sonja says:

    This one made me really lol

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