The Oddities of Going to High School in Arkansas

– It was surprisingly segregated. There were two high schools, North Side and South Side. South Side was primarily white, our mascot was Johnny Reb and we were the Rebels, and confederate flags were everywhere.

– I was in the top 5% of my class. I’m not sure that would have been true up here. I base this on the fact I was failing calculus at the U of MN, went home to Arkansas for the summer to take it at the university there, and got an A+.

– High school was only grades 10-12. 9th grade was still technically middle school. Also, the middle school had letter jackets, the high school did not.

– Girls could not wear shorts. Ever. No matter the length.

– You could not carry a back pack, because if you had a back pack you obviously were using it to carry and or sell drugs.

– You could not leave the campus at lunch because you would obviously leave to go drink and or do drugs.

– Despite their best efforts, I did get into drugs and alcohol. But, in my defense, there was literally nothing else to do.

– Football was important but not nearly as important as the Dixie Belles, the elite girls who were chosen to perform the kick line at every half time show.

– There were 4 levels of cheerleaders: the nameless rabble, the junior squad, the senior squad and the Dixie Belles.

-Most of the girls were southern belle, prissy little bitches. I had a lot of friends that were dudes.

– Barn and Open Field parties were a real and frequent thing. Fun fact: though open fields appear to be nothing special, farmers get really pissed when you party in them and call the cops on you. Once, while running through such a field from said cops I ran into a cow’s ass.

– You’re crazy if you want to go to an out of state college.

– In driver’s ed, they yell at you for entering the intersection at a stop light while you wait to make a left turn. I believe they actually started using flashing yellow arrows to coax people out from behind the turning lane.

– Everyone asked me what church I went to or what faith I was until word spread of my smart-ass Atheist replies.

– I don’t really talk to anyone from high school anymore, which is slightly sad because some of my guy friends were really cool. At the same time, I really have no desire to go back.

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