What To Expect When You Get Sick During A 100 Degree Heat Wave

The heat is actually a surprise bonus: when you get cold chills from your fever you can leave the air-conditioned sanctuary of your bedroom and migrate to the couch in the gloriously warm living room until your body gets its shit together and catches up to the temperature of your head. Return to cold bedroom. Repeat.

Of course you get sick when you’re about a week overdue for a grocery run, because life is awesome like that. You make it two blocks, start to black out, crawl home and nap for three hours. You instead order enough delivery food to sustain you until you can make it to the store.

If you’re really special, you get sick on the 4th of July. You take the next day off of work, but you have to go in the day after because the only other person in your department thought you were just hungover and decided they wanted to take a vacation day. You wear sweats, bring a box of Kleenex (half of which you use on the commute), and a damp towel to put over your head to keep you cool while you wait for the bus. People think you’re homeless and ask if they can pray for you.

You and your roommate’s cat reach a new level of friendship due to the two levels of isolation you’re both experiencing: 1) Because you’re sick, your roommates take shelter at their boyfriends’ apartments and 2) The cat is just as hot as you are, and now you’re the only one running your air conditioner. Snuggle buddies 4 life.

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