Types of Metro Transit Bus Drivers

The overly vocal driver

Buses have loudspeaker systems because of this guy, and man does he use that sucker. He reminds you to hold onto the rails if you’re standing. He announces every stop and what connecting buses you can find there. He says everything twice. This is great if you’re new to bus riding, but it’s kind of over-kill when you’ve had to replace your Go To pass twice because it was so worn out the card reader couldn’t read it.

The my-bus-is-my-life driver

These are the serious types. The “OH, I know you’re not bringing food and drink on MY bus” types. They’re a little scary until you realize they’re by far the best drivers because they know how to use the massiveness of the bus to push traffic around in their favor so you end up being on time, then you start to appreciate them.

The let’s-just-get-through-this driver

They know you don’t want to be there, and guess what? They don’t want to be there either. But they maintain the peace to make the best of the situation. They’ll tell the tool with the music so loud you can hear it through their headphones to turn it down. They’ll ask the drunk bum that smells like pee to get off. They’ll tell the idiot standing in the back door to move so people can actually get off without being molested. I like these drivers, they mean well.

The speeder

He’s driving a fucking bus so get out of his way. He travels at highway speeds while not on the highway. You’re really afraid for all the pedestrians but can’t worry about them because you’re trying to anticipate when he’ll break next so you don’t fall out of your seat. There’s no hope if you’re standing, you’ve already fallen twice. At the same time, you’re really happy because you know you’ll get home 20 minutes earlier.

The really nice driver

They say “good morning” and “have a nice day” to every person that gets on and off. And not mechanically, but with a genuine smile. Which in turn makes you smile (if you don’t you’re a total jerk) and say hello. You always wish for this kind of driver, but 90% of the time get stuck with…

Ms. Crabtree, the school bus driver from South Park

She doesn’t speak, she barks. It’s almost as if she’s annoyed at having to stop so frequently. Sometimes, she tries not to stop but those darn passengers wave their arms and make her. Only if you’re at the stop though, if you’re two feet behind and running to catch up forget it. That ship has sailed. And if the 31 day pass you just bought online hasn’t gone through to your card yet, you better dig through that change purse baby because this aint no pity party.

The saint

I never got his name. The stop for the 6 I get on after work is at the very beginning of the line, I’m always the only one there. But, the preceding bus I take to get there is almost never on time. So after a couple days of me running after the 6, the driver asked if I was there every day and if I always took the previous bus. He said he would try to remember that. After that day, he always waited for me. Even if he had already started the route, if he saw my first bus coming he would wait at the next stop for me. It was so nice, not having an internal temper tantrum while sitting on a 5 minute late bus because I knew the next bus was waiting for me. Metro Transit must have a 3 week rotation period, because after 3 weeks he was gone. The new 6 driver doesn’t wait for me, and it sucks. It’s like I had loved and lost, and it wasn’t better than not loving at all I don’t care what the saying is.

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