Times My Life Was Most Like A Sitcom

The time I accidentally classically conditioned myself to fall asleep to the mellow sounds of Tyler Hilton, and then got really confused as to why I got so tired when The Loft played a live session of his on the radio at work.

The time after swim practice where I got into my mom’s mini-van and immediately started complaining about how annoying one of the girls on the team was, only to then look over and see it was that girl’s mom and that they had the same mini-van as ours.

The time I aggressively made out with a guy on a hill, rolling around in the leaves thinking no one could see us because we were behind a bush when in fact a small crowd was gathering and eventually applauded us.

The time I was bartending and a silver fox tipped me $20 on the first drink so I would “take care” of him for the rest of the night and I literally shoved the other bartender out of the way every time he came to the bar to flirt shamelessly with him. And then I tried the same thing when I was out one night and got totally ignored.

The time I took a bunch of friends to my parents house in the Virgin Islands for spring break.

The time I was at a bar and was trying to avoid someone who I had un-friended on Facebook when she saw me and marched over to loudly demand why I didn’t like her anymore.

The time when my unruly apartment building neighbors had a massive party, complete with bouncer who blocked me from entering my own building by asking “hey, who do you know here?”

The time in high school when I sat on a dirty chair in the shop that apparently had red dust on it that got all over my jeans and everyone thought I got my period. Including me, until my bf slapped my butt and the dust came off in a cloud at which point I yelled “fuck yeah!” and got sent to the principal’s office.

The time I cried hysterically in chemistry for having a final grade of C, so my teacher gave me a B to shut me up.

The time I was studying abroad in London and a bartender told me to tell my flatmates to stop acting so American because they were pissing people off.

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